Friday, September 19, 2014

In Its Purest Form

Like melted diamonds. 
Snow, not scarred by streaks of sin.
Glistening tears.
White glass - shimmery and clean.
 Sadness, in its purest form.

I was with dear people when I found out. Only a few short hours after we’d attended the funeral of our cherished Grace, I called my mom to let her know I was coming home, and she told me.

Whirling fast—lights, blurs, waxy colors.

Unexpected.

Heart-attack.

One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.
Steady, like a waltz.
One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.
Steady, steady, steady.
Unfeeling. Numb. Shaky, and falling. Shock.
One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.
My body made up for the emotions my soul couldn’t feel.

She said there wasn’t much time—just three simple days (simple, simple), and we’d know the outcome. But it didn’t look good.

Whirling fast—lights, blurs, waxy colors.

They were here, and they were gone. Clothes, food, cots—shoved in bags and suitcases. Fuel burning, feet running, hospital bound.

Like melted diamonds. 
Snow, not scarred by streaks of sin.
Glistening tears.
White glass - shimmery and clean.
 Sadness, in its purest form.

Unexpected.

Passing into Eternal Country.

Three simple days (simple, simple)—but, not even three. She wanted to go.
If she’d thought of us, she wouldn’t have. But hearts hurt, minds distort. She forgot about us. And we forgive her.

Whirling fast—lights, blurs, waxy colors.

She was here, and she was gone. 

Clothes, food, cots—shoved in bags and suitcases. Fuel burning, feet running, hospital bound.

One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.
Steady, like a waltz.
One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.
Steady, steady, steady.
Feeling. Distant memories. Tears. In its purest form. Falling, crying, abrupt.
One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.
My soul made up for the emotions my body couldn’t feel.

Her little girl. Her skinny-minnie. Her mermaid. Her sweet Steph. Her proud author. Her granddaughter.

One, two, three…one, two, three…one, two, three.

Not sobs, just streams—tears, a stinging nose, pressured eyes.

Like melted diamonds. 
Snow, not scarred by streaks of sin.
Glistening tears.
White glass - shimmery and clean.
 Sadness, in its purest form.

A blessing, a treasure, always there.

Always, always, always.

Loving, kind, soft, generous. She loved us, we loved her. Memories—like melted diamonds. She was supposed to see me grow up, get married, published, have babies. She was supposed to be with the adult me.

Yet, I touch the mirror—and there’s a woman standing there.  

Physical—in one breath, gone. Before we knew what happened.

Unexpected.

A blessing, a treasure, always there, taken for granted.

Like melted diamonds. 
Snow, not scarred by streaks of sin.
Glistening tears.
White glass - shimmery and clean.
 Sadness, in its purest form.

His time, His will, His glory, His Kingdom.

He gave us a gift.
He took her away.

His time, His will, His glory, His Kingdom.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

And it is appointed to men once to die; and after this, the Judgement (Hebrews 9:27)


He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21)




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2 comments

  1. I am so sorry. Please know that you & your family are in my heart being lifted up to the Lord in this extremely painful time. You will grieve horribly, & that is normal, but don't forget where she is right now. Dancing with the angels! :)

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