Saturday, October 1, 2016

This is How I Feel About My Book 10.1.16.

Three years ago today in 2013 was the day I signed a contract with Ellechor Publishing Company for my first novel. Things have been really wild since then. Adjusting to being a writer is weird. My company, Ellechor, has been taking a long time to even get things started with my book. With the recent bankruptcy of Send the Light (a major distributor for Christian books), it appears my novel's release date now has to be pushed back even further. Solid distribution is absolutely important to me, so I'm okay with that.

There are other things I'm not sure I'm 'okay' with, though. Things that involve me. I'm twenty now. I was sixteen when I wrote the book and seventeen when I signed. As I'm sure many of you older people know, life changes drastically within those three and four years. Your opinions change, you learn and experience life on a much broader scale. You grow up a lot. You move, and go to college, maybe have your heart broken, get a job, and you see the brokenness of the world at a much more extreme level.
I don't know a lot of older authors so it's hard for me to know if this is normal. But I'm not really sure I agree with everything I wrote four years ago. I'm not sure if it's well-written, I'm not sure if this book represents who I want to be as an author. I'm pretty sure it doesn't.
I've been juggling these thoughts. Weighing one against another and wondering whether my sixteen-year-old writing is salvageable. I've carefully avoided peeking into the pages of my dusty novel, and I've felt uneasy when an email appears in my inbox from Ellechor. Is this it? Is this going to be where I have to decide? 
Having a publishing contract has given me so many incredible opportunities in the writing field and I am thankful for them. Getting signed so young meant the whole entire world to me and it's been such a boost to my confidence as a writer. I was convinced at the time that signing with Ellechor was the absolutely the will of God, and exactly what He wanted for me. I still believe that. But as I look to Him for my future here and now, I am not so sure His will is the same.
I still want to be an author. My heart is absolutely still in writing. But I'm ready to say that I'm not sure this book is meant to be the one. It's been three years now, and I can cancel at any time without consequences. I can't say that hasn't been crossing my mind.
If you all would be praying for me as I work through this, I would really appreciate it. Love you all <3

Here's to October 1st, a day of big dreams and bright stars.


  1. Praying for you!! <3

  2. Stephanie,

    This is just my opinion, and you should definitely do what God leads you to do, but I just want to point out that while you may see your work as gross or immature or whatever you think, there is actually a lot of value, perhaps if someone else is in that same place you were. Or even more important, being able to see an author grow can have a huge impact on someone's life. If you still want to be a writer, I would say keep the book. Two books is better than one. Because one book is just a point in time. Two points makes a line, and that line is how God is working through you and changing you. Two books is a testimony, of change, of beauty.

    By all means, if God is asking you to not publish, don't publish. But if you are just a little embarrassed by how childish you and your writing are, that is something to share with pride, because you have changed.


    1. * you and your writing WERE :)

    2. Anonymous,

      Thank you so much for this. Thinking this way has really changed my perspective and given me a huge boost of confidence. I really needed that. <3

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  4. I hope you are able to work through your apprehension with your story! I think getting older we do have a lot of struggles looking back, but we all start somewhere. Consider it a stepping stone on your journey of growth!

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