Saturday, February 15, 2014

Diary Of: When You See Me

I spent all day wondering what to write. 

And tearing my hair out. 

Finally I decided to skip this for today and do some recreational writing, because my American Dream status isn't nearly where I want it to be. I'm only 10,000 words into the book. *freaks out, tears desk apart to find calendar* 

I probably wrote, like, 500 words. But at least they were a good 500. 

And now, at 00:05 hours, I have decided to still be a dedicated blogger and at least give you some Diary Of.  

Despite writer's block (or just, writer fog? Dullness? Numbness?) I've had a nice day. Saturday's are kind of stressful for me, because usually I'm doing chores, blogging, paper grading, and preparing teacher notes for Monday--which is no piece of cake, let me tell you. Thank your teachers! :) 

I've been thinking about God today. How I want the world to know Him like I do. How, every day, I want to know Him better. Have you ever just thought about who God is? I don't even think that when we get to heaven we'll fully understand who He is. He's just that great. 

"Great" doesn't even cut it. 

What do you think about God? 

Do you like it when I give you these posts that ramble, but don't really have a point? I'm going to try to do better. Here's my Diary Of. 


Original Post Title: My Prayer

Date: Unknown, 2013


I've heard it a lot already: "Dang, look at that girl's faith."

I guess it's hard for people not say that when they're hearing from a girl who's been sick for the past couple of years, and has been gifted with the ability to write well (it's a good combo, for those who like to hear from "faith people.") Allow me break it down for you, honestly.

Yes, I know I have faith. I know I have faith because it's a gift from God. If I didn't have faith, I wouldn't be a believer. throughout my Christ-filled journey, my faith has been attacked in many different levels, on many different angles. I have spent time on my knees, praying for the Lord to guard me, revive me, heal me--and give me faith. Crying, "I believe! Help my unbelief." I'm so, so thankful for the belief the Lord has poured into my heart these past few weeks and in my time of trouble. 


HOWEVER -

Even though I am fully aware that I have faith (though its level may dwindle at times), it is not my goal to write here that people may say, "Dang, look at that girl's faith."

Because you know what? My faith is not of me. 'My' faith is not mine to begin with. The faith inside me has been planted by a holy God, not by myself, the sinner. I had no part in it. God chose me. God gifted me. So instead of reading this and thinking or saying to yourself, "Dang, look at that girl's faith," my prayer is that you'll reevaluate the circumstances (my sin, God's holiness and love towards me), and instead say to yourself, "Dang, look at that girl's God." Because He is the author of all the good that's in me. 

If you ask Him, He can be the author of all that's good in you, too. 


~

Um, completely unrelated (just like my posts these days!)...but I'm obsessed with this.


         


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