Monday, November 11, 2013

For my "Lymie's"

Warning: before reading this...
Please realize that if you've never experienced Lyme Disease, there are some jokes you just won't understand. That being said, please do not jump to conclusions or take offense. I wrote this to make a friend laugh. I did not write this to be used as an attention-getting or pity-party-starting agent for those who have been sick. Please do not use it as such. If you have a friend who has suffered from Lyme, please take the opportunity to share this post and my blog link with them, as I have other encouraging material I hope to put up on a later date. If you've personally suffered from Lyme Disease, take the opportunity to have a good, refreshing laugh, and let me remind you that God is always good and He's got big plans for you!!    

Now, without further adieu, I present:

You might have Lyme Disease if….

1) You’ve spent a whole day trying to decide whether you should say, “Lyme” or “Lyme’s.”

2) You get really tired of people asking, “Did you get it from a tick?”

3) You start counting the friends you have with health problems and take your guesses on who else probably has it, too. Usually you’re right.

4) You have a really bad relationship with the word “mold”… even if it only involves play-doh or soap shaping agents.

5) You don’t remember what you’re supposed to do with a popsicle.

6) Someone says, “Mmm.., that funnel cake sure smells good!” and secretly you want to bash them over the head.

7) You have to excuse yourself from a conversation because your eye is twitching really awkwardly.

8) You’ve never had a baby, but you haven’t missed out on morning sickness, either.

9) You have to sign a release form giving the doctors permission to do “experimentation” on you.

10) You’d rather face off with a pack of wolves than walk through a field of long grass.

11) You’re so tired you think you’re about to die, so instead of taking a nap, you say, “Okay, it’s time for my daily walk!”

12) You have to convince people that there actually are foods that don’t contain gluten, dairy, or sugar.

13) You’ve been called a “Lymie.”

14) You rebuke magazines and DVD’s that say, “There is no cure for someone like you,” because obviously they don’t know what they’re talking about and they’ve never met the God you serve.

15) You have random conversations with the guy at the blood lab, because he has Lyme too and overheard you ask for a “Western Blot and CD57.”

16) You request “Activated charcoal” from a nearby pharmacy and immediately they know what doctor you go to. They also give you a whole list of herbal medications (that don’t effect antibiotics) for headaches, too…without you even having to ask.

17) You’ve been really scared of that acorn for the last five minutes, but you can’t remember why…

18) You start freaking out because you think it’s a tick, but it’s actually just your head tingling. *phew!* ….but you’re still freaking out for the next twenty minutes, just in case.

19) You liken the air conditioning unit to an evil villain such as Sandman…except worse.

20) You have to figure out how to calmly answer the question, “Can’t you die from that?”

21) Oh, and you really dislike nosy questions.

22) You find out that doctors really don’t know everything. But that’s okay. You’ve done so much research that you can enlighten them.

23) You freak out when your stomach isn’t swollen, because that’s not normal. But then you realize that it is normal, so you get excited.

24) Someone says, “I’m tired,” or “I have a headache” and secretly you’re thinking, “SERIOUSLY?!” But you try to appear sympathetic anyway.

25) You really don’t have allergies (like all the doctor’s say)…well, actually you do, but that only happened after you got sick.

So....How many can you add? Leave a comment!

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